Acceptance

Collander-Thoughts

2012-02-09T23:59:00.001+08:00

Tired

Collander-Thoughts

2012-01-21T02:06:00.000+08:00

A glass of whisky.
It wasn't particularly good, but it wasn't shabby either. A good age. Not too young, that would be tragic, and quite frankly, a dime a dozen. No, this had been left to grow, to mature, given time to form its own character and soak in the antecedent local flavours. So many varieties, so many forms, so many different methods, so many slight differences, that came together to make this one unique. Yet in the end, there would only be the rare few that could distinguish it from the tons of counterparts, the few for whom this was picked by choice. In the open market, it was just another type, another branding, another numerical annotation given admist a mass of slightly different but essentially similar products. That was where the problem lay, I guess. The time of careful creation, often done by passionate makers, the process of distillation and refinement, the long years of development under carefully monitored circumstances. In the end, it was no different from all the others, just as carefully and lovingly nurtured. Part of the problem was the packaging. All stuck in containers of similar shape, with nothing but changes in labels. Then there was the discernment. The ones with money simply couldn't or didn't care enough to take the time to go beyond the label and understand the contents fully. For them, it was just a way to reap benefits that they were probably better off without. Finally, there's the problem of the angel's share. It could have stayed longer, developed more, allowed to mature fully and come into its own right and take its place in the world of the exceptional. It could have been famous, world reknown, everyone singing praises and offering well deserved recognition. But when angels come to collect, you just can't help it. Sometimes life just doesn't work out. And so it's now where it is, with a bitter aftertaste that marks its place clearly within the mediocre. Waiting to be finished and done with, the best it could hope for being a minor remark that it was good.
A glass of whisky, and the man holding it.
Sipping, waiting, sipping

waiting, sipping

waiting

Collander-Thoughts

2012-01-11T01:57:00.002+08:00

A cold that no heat can touch.

Collander-Thoughts

2011-07-09T00:09:00.002+08:00

A sunny day,
More than sunny, in fact
Scorching, some would call it
Blazing hot, even
And those who stood outside
with sweat flowing down their backs
shielding their eyes
walked hurriedly to minimize
their exposure to the heat

Not just the heat,
Humidity too, wrapping
around, like a heavy shawl
Dense and gripping
Not to mention, the grime
of everyday work,
The weight of pressure and
responsibility, stifling
Suffocating, even
Birthing sweat and fevers

But, even when the
roads cracked and split
And the fires
burned through the town
A raging animal
that devoured and consumed
Even when the flames
reduced the grass to ashes
and blighted the lands

Even then, the shivers came
And the chattering, and tremors
For there is a kind
of coldness, emanating from
within, that all the heat
and fire and flames
cannot touch
Not even when the outer shell
withers and burns to a crisp
A kind of coldness that
comes from deep within
the heart

Collander-Thoughts

2011-06-25T00:22:00.000+08:00

There is a kind of misery that words cannot spell,
and only life can teach.

Collander-Thoughts

2011-06-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

There are days, where the morning snow knows no end.
Where the drizzles and splatters of trickling showers
soak through the thickest of clothes and the warmest
of bodies and hearts. Days, where the skies are
overcast and the sun cannot be seen and all
the heavens seem to be deaf amidst the lightning and the thunder.

There are days, where the bustle and hustle of the cities
seems to wind its labyrinth around, where there is neither
beginning nor end. When the compass has failed and all
the rapid trains and shiny elevators are but a spiralling circle
of bewilderment and all the signs point not
to salvation but a soul more lost and twisted and devoid of purpose.

There are days, where the shadows are long and the
nights darker than ever. Where the wind howls upon
rattling windows and the walls themselves shiver. Days,
where unspoken misgivings and untold fears grow and
breed and all the pressures of an unspoken life
burst forth to drown and suffocate with unfathomable horror and paranoia.

And then, there are days.

Collander-Thoughts

2011-02-14T00:20:00.001+08:00

To the chills and aching hollowed
cavity, of cresting waves that
gush unrestrained and unbidden and
washes away all else into
insignificant debris

For harsh and compressing
constriction, with swallowing grips
so tightly grinding and damning eternal
what little left there is
of light and hope

Or the white within fiery metal
brands, that smolders and
sears incinerating and obliterating and
yet offers only pain and
inerasable scars

In silence rests dejection, desolate
tears, sole remnants amongst
pools of sadness where once used to lie a
joyful heart, now only
possessing saudade

Collander-Thoughts

2010-07-21T08:43:00.003+08:00

The shimmering cold of burning spires
Ghastly, ghostly, dead
Stories, filled with love and fire
Of kindness turned to hate
Bound with word and twine and web
Upon the devil's slate
Like maddened dogs and jackals sad
With cruel hopeless fates

The searing pain of wounds too deep
Heartless, soulless, beasts
And throbbing numb of legless feet
Brought to feisty feasts
What chill can freeze the very bones
And spirit pulled to tease
That fills the world with soundless moans
And force all joy to cease

The dying lights of fading hope
Icy, slicing, cold
Where minds are filled despair's dope
And knees are brought to fold
No sliver, no silver lining left
Were darkness tightly holds
And all men's dreams have turned to ash
With nought left of their souls

Collander-Thoughts

2010-02-13T23:41:00.003+08:00

This poem I dedicate for Valentines,
It is, perhaps, my best one yet.

With Love
Like an ascending shining angel
Possessing heartbeats only too familiar
Too ethereal for comprehension; beyond physical realms
This sweet caring beauty that lies beheld
Far beyond mortal reach, so indescribably confusing
Churning my heart like oceans whirling and so moved
So filled with tenderness, with a soul so innocent
From the lowest depths of earth to the top of heaven
Yet I lay shackled, with fetters harder then stone
By truest purest love

Collander-Thoughts

2010-01-29T14:44:00.002+08:00

The willow of trees that blow so light
The lanterns of red that glow so bright
For men and gods and all things sly
In all that once was, and will once be

The life of young ones so pure and true
The laugh of innocence without a clue
For children with minds that were once pure
And all that once was, thy not will be

The sighs of old oaks standing tall and wide
The creak of old bones on corpses died
For wisom and experience come at prices dear
And what once was yet, matter not to me

The hearts of evil so black and blue
The list of horros they've yet to do
For all of heaven's mercy reach too small
And all of what was, laid bare to see

Collander-Thoughts

2009-11-02T02:30:00.003+08:00

To the ones we've loved, and the ones we've lost, and the ones we hold dear still. May life and death be all man's test, and give the devil his due.

Collander-Thoughts

2009-10-29T09:46:00.002+08:00

All the world's a burnin'
And I'm still here a laughin'
Yet all the lives, and all the knives,
Stop not my head a bleedin'

Collander-Thoughts

2009-09-03T15:36:00.002+08:00

I'll meet a million people in my life
But there is only one I meet a million times
One who sees weaknesses as strengths
And failures as successes
One who hold me close in darkness
Even as she fears it more then I
One who'd share her world
And take the time to view mine
One who'll love me for who I am
Whatever I may do
One who cared more dearly for me
Then for herself
One who never holds grudges
Nor hatred in her heart
One whose thoughts I can read
Yet blinds me to all else
One who fills my mind and soul and being
And gives me purpose and happiness and joy
One who I love
Now, and forever
Simple, pure and brilliant

Collander-Thoughts

2009-07-23T16:56:00.002+08:00

How cold the wind that blows through hearts
The chill that cools the bone
When all the mind can fathom is but greed
And all hope has been shattered
Where life's cruelty has been felt and shuddered
Till blood has lost it's fear
Whose battered pride fills all the broken world
And struggles infinitely

Why live, when life is lost

Collander-Thoughts

2009-07-14T16:29:00.002+08:00

Life is like a leaf spinning in the wind
Or a surfer admist the waves
Our fate for the moment may seem
So dependent on the shape of our leaves
On how well we grew
How skilled we are at surfing
And how great we balance on the waves and wind
But in the end
It is the wind and waves that shapes us
That brings us high or sinks us low
And can in one go alter our lives
Changing our landscape forever
So when we are high above the wind and waves
And all it does is push us higher still
Remember, remember those that weren't so lucky
Help them up and bring them higher
For you know not when they might be high
And you be low

Collander-Thoughts

2009-06-28T18:17:00.002+08:00

How bright can sun and moonlight shine
So light and pure and oh so kind
How high can birds with wings so fine
So fast and soaring without a bind
How great can poets write their lines
So strong and catching in their many rhymes
How happy I am to right now find
That now I can claim all that's mine

Collander-Thoughts

2009-06-25T21:20:00.002+08:00

We mark the passing of time just like the leaves of trees
Which fall slowly, leaf by leaf
We count it as a fraction
Count it little by little, bit by bit
And one day we find
That all the grains of sand has fallen
And all the things that seemed to matter so much then
Are but like leaves in the wind

Collander-Thoughts

2009-06-14T23:51:00.002+08:00

Well this blog is pretty much dead
Anyway couple of updates for people who are still clueless,
I'm currently posted to air force as a technician
And I successfully got my PSC scholarship so i'll be running away from army in about a month
Going to NUS to study law :)

There. Blog revived

Collander-Thoughts

2009-05-28T17:26:00.001+08:00

Finally, I know what I should do

Collander-Thoughts

2009-05-22T23:45:00.002+08:00

Watch the petals fall like rain
Falling gliding splendid
Watch them fly from side to side
Like happy swings galore
At times they blow up once again
Yet they ever will descent
Never noticing a thing
And never will they bend
But once you turn your heard around
All fallen are the flowers
Trampled rotten long decayed
Like youths forced to be elders

Collander-Thoughts

2009-04-18T23:29:00.002+08:00

Dear TJ Chamber peeps

It's barely a week away to SYF, exactly 10 days from the time i post this.

SYF 2009 is not a journey that began in 2009.
It's a journey that began the moment SYF 2007 ended, a cycle, a renewal, a refreshing of chamber ensemble. Every SYF is a grading that tells us where we are, how well we play, and how much harder we need to work. It will tell future batches how good their seniors were, and hopefully, how much harder they need to work to sustain that shiny new medal. It will tell your seniors how good you are, how much you've improved and how you've carried the culture of chamber ensemble to new levels.
SYF isn't just a medal, it's a benchmark, a cornerstone in the creation of traditions. It determines the attitude and mindset of future batches to come. Schools that have gotten GWH ever since it began will practice all the harder because they fear to lose it. They fear to drop the mantle placed upon them by their seniors. In the same fashion, it is now your turn to take up this mantle and lift it up, so that your juniors can strive to uphold it.
It is your chance to tell the school and everyone in TJ that chamber ensemble is an ensemble to be reckoned with. It is your chance to prove to the world that we don't lose out to any other musical PDP. Most importantly, it's a chance to prove to yourself that you strived, and you did your very best and worked your very hardest.
You have all went for many hours of practice, spent many days staying in school, had many saturday mornings waking up early. You have all, hopefully, practiced hard at home, and spent valuable time polishing your skills. All this is a culmination, the climax of which is the SYF competition day.
So, with this last week to go, give it your all and give it your best. It's your last chance, the last SYF you'll ever go for. This SYF results will be the one that all the universities see, not your secondary school ones. This SYF will be the one that truly counts, because it is your last. Practice with determination, practice with pride, practice with concentration and focus. It is after all, just one week's worth of practice for a lifetime of remembrance, and that one week can make the difference.
I sincerely hope with all my heart, that this SYF will be the envy of your seniors, the goal of your juniors, and the pride and glory of each and everyone of you.

Cheers,
Chin

P.S. Do treasure and acknowledge how much effort people like nat and judith has put in. It's very rare to find such committed people and you guys are very lucky to have them with you :)

Collander-Thoughts

2009-03-29T22:43:00.002+08:00

Flowers live so short
Yet bloom so beautifully
Fireworks fizzle so quickly
Yet burn so bright
Hurt takes but an instant
Yet lives forever
Lives leave so brisquely
Yet marks so deep
We live not for the duration
But for the eternal
We love
But for the flare
That never falters nor fail

Collander-Thoughts

2009-03-26T21:13:00.002+08:00

The years swirl in mindless colours
The mind whirls in endless thoughts
Hundreds upon hundreds that descend
And scour
Like little nibbling rats and roaches
Till all thats left is an empty skeleton
Of full flesh and hollow skulls
With muscles flexed and dribbling juices
Figures fine and left uncountable
Souls long shattered
Now long gone
With a mind more empty
Then emptiness

Collander-Thoughts

2009-03-05T23:22:00.001+08:00

And you hear the voices in your head
Tomorrow's the day
Tomorrow's the day

Collander-Thoughts

2009-02-14T14:46:00.002+08:00

Let me be hope
Where there is despair
Let me be light
When darkness is there
Let me be fire
When the cold wind blows
Let me be comfort
When no one else cares

Let me be life
When darkness draws near
Let me be happiness
That chases all tears
Let me be peace
In the midst of insanity
Let me be love
In the heart i hold dear

Collander-Thoughts

2009-01-28T10:29:00.001+08:00

OFF TO THE ARMY I GO!

Collander-Thoughts

2009-01-26T20:13:00.001+08:00

I SELF MADE 13 WONDERS AT MAHJONG TODAY!
OH YEAH XDXDXDXDXDXDXD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Collander-Thoughts

2009-01-08T11:44:00.000+08:00

NEW COM NEW COM NEW COM NEW COM
OHYEAH

Collander-Thoughts

2009-01-03T00:02:00.002+08:00

To live and die in the blink of an eye
To feel pain for all eternity
To be shattering in a floundering heartbeat
For all of a second, yet a million years
What is time, after all
To a lovers kiss or a broken man's sorrow
What time enough to heal the wounds
Whose slice break all ties and all things
Yet what time slows down so
To make an instant of grief be too much
For a thousand lifetimes or forever
Infinite and timeless

Collander-Thoughts

2008-12-14T14:03:00.002+08:00

A baby dies, of common flu
A young child starves
A mother dies in childbirth
An old man feels the pain of cancer
And they say God is merciful

An innocent girl is raped
A small boy gets killed by a car
An honest man gets betrayed
A mere kid drowns
And they say good triumphs over evil

A lover gets cheated
A hard worker loses his life savings
A lively teen loses his limbs
A life, pure and steadfast, goes down the drain
And they say justice prevails

Lairs

Collander-Thoughts

2008-12-05T21:07:00.004+08:00

I've walked with those who've lost their friends
In body, heart or mind
I've walked with those whose hearts have broke
By girls and guys and swine
I've walked with those that know no love
With joyless tormented souls
I've walked with those whose minds have died
By guns and knives and blows

I've walked with those who are in love
Filled pure and innocent and true
I've walked with those who smile carefree
Who dream of skies so blue
I've walked with those with gold to throw
In houses big and shiny
I've walked with those who know no fear
The brave and bold and mighty

I've walked with those whose tears fill seas
In sorrow, grief and pain
I've walked with those with anger flaring
All hot and wild untamed
I've walked with those whose eyes are blind
By greed and money grown
I've walked with those who needed me most
In comfort and words unknown

But when I walk, I walk alone.

Collander-Thoughts

2008-12-03T21:57:00.003+08:00

Crazy buffet today
Me and wt sakae sushi
25 plates normal sushi
2 red plates
2 big bowls of udon
2 dessert

Total amount paid: 32 bucks
Total networth eaten: 90 bucks

We so totally kick ass XD
Buffet is the way to go man :)

Collander-Thoughts

2008-11-30T13:46:00.002+08:00

How did things just spiral out of control
Decaying so fast, so bad
Falling, losing, rotting away
Like a dead heart

Collander-Thoughts

2008-11-22T00:08:00.001+08:00

Random thing that loads of people tried

Name: Collander
Date: 11/21/2008
Colorgenics Number: 70314265

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.

Collander-Thoughts

2008-11-16T14:40:00.002+08:00

Meme thing from wynne and michelle:

1 ) The last person who tagged you is :
Michelle and Wynne
2 ) Your relationship with him / her is :
Wonderful friends and totally bullied PW mates
3 ) Your impressions on him / her is :
Michelle: Really nice and friendly girl that you really shouldn't hand a shotgun to
Wynne: Outgoing cheery girl who would be really nice if she din keep glaring daggers lol
4 ) The most memorable thing he / she had done for you :
Michelle: Probably the services of her house, and PW. Musn't forget PW
Wynne: Probably something chamber related, as well as PW lol
5 ) The most memorable thing he / she said to you :
Michelle: Zombie plan C
Wynne: Probably be all the rolling of eyes as opposed to any said thing
6 ) If he / she becomes your lover you will :
Michelle: Die
Wynne: Die anyway
7 ) If he / she becomes your lover, one thing he / she has to improve on will be :
Michelle: Running away
Wynne: Running even faster
8 ) if he / she becomes your enemy, the reason will be :
Michelle: Which of the 8467 reasons do you want?
Wynne: Hmm no idea lol
9 ) The most desired thing you wanna do for him / her now is :
Michelle: Get her xbox games so i can play them XD
Wynne: Get her a new viola? lol
10 ) Your overall impression on him / her is :
Michelle: Wonderful person
Wynne: See above
11 ) How you think people around you feel about you :
They probably think i'm really evil. Not that i blame them :)
12 ) The character you love about yourself is :
My ability to be evil :)
13 ) On the contrary , the character you hate about yourself is:
My ability to be evil and not feel remotely guilty lol
14 ) The most ideal person you want to be is :
Me with a healthier body
15 ) pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you :
1. WT
2. Wynne.
3. Michelle
4. Amos
5. KM
6. Samantha
7. Huiyi
8. Kerry
9. Mariam
10. Xuefang

16 ) who is no.6 having a relationship with?
Samantha. Lol. No comments
17) is no.9 a male or a female?
Mariam. Female.... i think...
18 ) if no.7 and no.10 are together , will it be a good thing?
Huiyi and Xuefang. Err no. I don't think so lol
19 ) how about no.8 and 5 ?
KM and Kerry. No. Definitely not
20 ) what is no.2 studying about?
Wynne. Lit and Music i guess
21 ) when was the last time you had a chat with no. 3?
Michelle. An eternity ago. meh
22 ) what music band does no.8 like?
Kerry. I have no idea lol
23 ) Does no.1 have any siblings?
WT. Yeah. Older sis
24 ) will you woo no.3?
Michelle. Not if i want my life
25 ) how bout no.7?
Huiyi. No. Even if it cost me my life. lol
27 ) whats the surname of no.5?
KM. Ok this is freaky why is KM always no. 5? Liew
28 ) whats the hobby of no.4?
Amos. Piano, starwars, mahjong, girlfriend, etc
29 ) do no.5 and 9 get along?
KM and Mariam. Err i guess.
30 ) where is no.2 studying at?
Wynne. TJC
31 ) say something casually about no.1?
WT. :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
32 ) have you tried to develop feelings for no.8?
Kerry. No. Definitely not.
33 ) where does no.9 live at?
Mariam. I actually have no idea. Some place that doesn't have pork i guess
34 ) what colour does no.4 like?
Amos. Err white and black?
35 ) are no.1 and 5 best friends?
WT and KM. No. I'd kill KM lol
36 ) does no.7 like no.2?
Huiyi and Wynne. In a friendship way i guess
37 ) how do you get to know no.2?
Wynne. DHS strings. Long time ago lol
38 ) does no.1 have any pets?
WT. Nope
39 ) is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
Huiyi. I think we know the answer :) oh btw huiyi, refer to question 13 :)

Collander-Thoughts

2008-11-01T14:42:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, in a land faraway, there was a boy. He was a poor boy, born to a poor man, born deaf and blind and dumb. His father was too ashamed by the freak he had fathered, and left him in the streets to die.

But die, he did not. He learnt, and grew, and fought for the scraps that meant his next meal, relying on nothing but touch and smell. The other street kids laughed at him, beat him, bullied him. They looked down on him for his disabilities, and many were the days where he went back to the sewers he called home, with broken ribs or sprained arms, and a heart that was just a little colder, just a little stonier.

But learn, he did. He grew up strong, and learnt to fight, to protect himself, to hurt and hunt for food. He learnt fast, and brutally, knowing no codes, no ethics, knowing nothing but the hunger in his belly and the angry heat of fierce fights. Without friends to warn him, no parents to guide him, no teachers to correct him, he grew up in the only way he could, born to survive. The other kids soon learnt not to cross his path or challenge him, and thus he grew, strong and wild and violent.

Thus it was, that the years passed, till he was at the age of 18, a terror among the street kids, a single soul looking to carve out a living in a place where livings were few and far between. And one day, as he was stalking the streets, he smelt a new smell. It was at once attractive and addictive, seductive and compelling, and believing it to be some fascinating food, he followed it. He followed it among the dark alleyways he was so familiar with, followed it and found it, and pounced on it, only to find it was a rich young girl.

But he knew nothing of ladies, and etiquette, he knew nothing but to follow the instincts and primacy that had led him all his life, and he when he felt inside him a new desire, burning and roaring like an inferno, he never knew what to do but follow it. Blind and deaf, he never heard the girl's cry for help or saw her panicking face. Her struggles were after all much weaker then the fights the boy got in, and having fought all his life, he couldn't know it was a sign of protest. And so the poor young lady was raped, and in the boy's hunger and eagerness to satisfy this new need born within him, he killed the girl by accident.

The lady was a rich man's daughter, and when her body was found, no effort was spared to find the murderer. The traces of blood soon led to the boy, who was sleeping in a dump just a few streets away, ignorant of his crime. They took him and handcuffed him, and shot his legs when he resisted in the only way he knew, before dumping him in the county jail, bleeding, cold, and fearful.

The sentence was quick. He had no lawyer, no voice to speak with, no ways to express himself, nothing to tell him that what he had done was wrong. All the jury saw was a monster, a cold blooded freak that raped and murdered without guilt, who knew not the meaning of conscience and love. They saw a wild beast, untamed and violent, a threat to humanity that had to put away. It took little more then an hour for the case to proceed and the judge to prescribe death. There was no need for the death row, his evidence was so strong and so definitive that there was little that could offer him an acquittal, and in 3 months, he was hanged.

And so it was, that a young boy who couldn't see and couldn't hear and couldn't speak, a boy who couldn't learn, died forgotten, his corpse dumped in some unknown place. A child who was never given the chance to destinguish between right and wrong, was scorned and mocked and hanged over laws he never knew existed. A soul that never had a chance to see goodness, a body that was forced to change simply to survive, in a cold dark empty street, died with no grave to mark his passing, no tears to mourn his death. Thus it was that a man who was never given the chance to learn, never had the oppurtunity to experience love and beauty and happiness, was killed by lofty justice, was slaughtered in the name of peace.

Thus it was that an innocent soul was left to rot and die, just like the thousands that were like his, young and ignorant and without joy. Thus it was that a childs heart blackened.

Just like mine.

Collander-Thoughts

2008-10-17T20:21:00.002+08:00

Those tiny squiggling worms
That chew your innocence
Your morals, your perception
Till all thats left
Is a walking body
Flesh held by bones

You don't need a knife
To kill a man's soul

Collander-Thoughts

2008-10-02T16:41:00.003+08:00

Welcome wishful wanderer, where wills wane with withering worlds, where wealth wins wondrously, where wine with waffles wait, wearing wills with wilful wishing. Where wondering wanderers wed wandering wonders with wild wishes. Who wants wives with wonderful weddings, winding wills with wishes, wines with wares. Who's wary? Where worlds wouldn't weep, where whines wouldn't whirl. Waves with wet whales will wane with woeful whirlpools. Woven wool wraps writhing willies, with wishes wildly wooshing. Why wait? When who wouldn't wish with waiting wives. Welcome, wondering wanderer, welcome to World's Well.

Collander-Thoughts

2008-09-30T14:38:00.002+08:00

Friends
Happiness
Joy
Innocence
Laughter
So full, so full
Smiles and faces
Changing
Growing
Slowly fading
Time steals
It robs
Bone bare
Friends
Innocence
Laughter..
Happiness...
Happiness....
Happiness?
Hap..pi..ness??
Whats that?

Happy Children's Day :)

Collander-Thoughts

2008-09-20T16:48:00.002+08:00

If there was ever one
Whom when you were drowning
Would jump in the sea
When in the waters sharks were swimming
Who would give you strength
When in dreams you met monsters
Who would bring courage
When your heart held fears

If there was ever one
For whom you would die
Who would abandon life
To not see you cry
Who would always be there
Before you asked for help
Whose very presence
Could make your heart melt

If there was ever one
Whom when you are down
Could hold you close
And turn it around
Who would offer you time
And give you wings to fly
Whose concern was more infinite
Then the stars in the sky

If there was ever one
To whom when you run
Would clear your path
And bring out the sun
Whom when you were tired
Would carry you back
Whose feet never faltered
And strength never lacked

If there was ever one
To whom when you lied
Would never stay angry
And would cast aside pride
Whom when you were cold
Would bring warm air
Who when life was at end
Would still always care

If there was ever one
Who can offer you everything and more
Who in windowless rooms
Can let you soar
Who in soaring high
Can make it bright
Who in making it bright
Can show you the light

Then see my mind's reflection
Once covered in snow
Where the skies are blue
And the rivers flow
For all i send
With a flock of doves
Is this poem and nothing
But infinite love

Collander-Thoughts

2008-09-09T16:26:00.001+08:00

Since all you people are pessimistic cynical buggers, here's a clue
The previous poem can be read backwards, last line to first XD

Collander-Thoughts

2008-09-02T16:09:00.002+08:00

That magical mystery called true love
That stirs and mixes and just creates
That cooling balm where all pain fades
The sighs that comes with cupid's darts
The warmth and comfort of blazing hearts
All swept away, like ugly lies
The old evil, the ancient scythe
Flowing within me, abandoning law
Happiness and joy so bright and pure
Banished forever with ethereal tools
Piercing darkness and crazy fools
Came rushing through like swirling pools
And all the things i never knew
For i love you

Collander-Thoughts

2008-08-31T14:53:00.002+08:00

My heart, once made of stone so tough
Melted to glass by the flames of love
Shattered by frost from an icy queen
Scattered to dust so finely seen

Collander-Thoughts

2008-08-21T00:00:00.002+08:00

You know, i once asked
When i fell from places high
Who'd be there for me
Well, today I've found the answer

I can't afford to fall

Collander-Thoughts

2008-08-18T20:56:00.002+08:00

You see the daisies and lilies field by field
The brilliant sun and blue skies free and true
You see the birds that fly wings spread out wide
With roses and clovers and tulips bright
You see the boundless horizons and endless seas
The cool crisp air with wind and breeze
You see the wonderful bed of woven silk
With deers and gazelles running free from guilt
You see the wonderful banquet spread throughout
The juicy chickens and crunchy vegetables through teeth felt
You see the tender meat and freshest fishes
The meal in paradise of angel's wishes
And you look around you

But theres no one left
To share this meal

Collander-Thoughts

2008-08-16T17:00:00.002+08:00

Life is like glass
The more intricate and beautiful
The more fine and exquisite it is
The lighter the touch needed
To bring it all down

Collander-Thoughts

2008-08-04T21:52:00.003+08:00

You know,
A long long time ago
I used to know a place

Called home

Collander-Thoughts

2008-07-31T20:48:00.002+08:00

lol due to the massive debates so far, i feel i need to clarify certain things:

1stly, that i am not an atheist. I am not Richard Dawkins number 2.
2ndly, I very much believe in God.

My arguments put forth have so far been rational, because what i set out to prove is that rationally, there is no reason for us to believe in Christianity, or most of the major religions. Using the standard tools of logic, analysis, and intellectual thought, there is no compelling force to make us believe that God exists, or that miracles happen. In fact, using those tools, every day we find more and more reasons why we should not believe in God.
Keep in mind, that these are rational tools.

Thus the basic point is that sooner or later, one has to resort to a non-rational argument, a matter of faith for instance, a matter of belief, of experience, something personal, to convince others that God exists. Rationalism, and the use of the mind, simply doesn't do the job in the way that mathematics does, with absolute certainty.

As a person, i belief in god because of experience. It is not a rational decision, nor does it have any rational grounds. I simply believe because I know that faith is not something that can be rationally deduced, nor should it be founded on rational thought. It is something that does not obey the laws of rational thought, of economics, of any known force on the world, except for God (inclusive of Zen, various gods, idols, etc etc). Thus religion can and should only be taken as an enterprise based on faith, rather then reason, on belief, rather then thought.

Collander-Thoughts

2008-07-28T20:44:00.002+08:00

As promised, on faith.

As usual:
Disclaimer: stuff posted may not be true
Please do not sue me if i misquote/misinterpret/misrepresent or in any way distort, contradict, or trivialise any subject/idea/issue.
All readers reads the following with the knowledge that it does not in any way represent any religion/person/organisation, nor does it claim to have a full, accurate or orthodox view of any issues presented, and that all of the following is my own personal view and I will not be held accountable for it.

Faith is an issue that atheist, the deeply devout, and just about everyone has though of in one way or another.
It revolves around an unquestioning mentality, that chooses to believe that certain events or happenings will come true.
Many people argue, that everything we do is based on faith.

Science and faith:

We never know if all our precious science, our expensive experiments, our libraries of research will be turned head on heels tomorrow, where perhaps the moon will illuminate the world and the sun will rise from the middle.
Nor can we know for sure, whether an apple will always fall, light will always travel at the same speed, whether oil will always float on water.
What matters in science, however, is probability.
We are after all humans. We cannot possibly go about our lives without any believe in the existence of tomorrow. This would mean that we'd very quickly go extinct. Thus our brains inadvertently find some way to circumvent the problem of the lack of knowledge, and that is faith.
The faith from science, however, is different from that of religion. Science works on a simple assumptions. That the underlying laws of the universe never change. Thus all research carried out by science, is merely a measure of probabilistic truth. We are 99.99% sure that tomorrow the sun will rise from the east as opposed to the center. We are pretty certain that apples will fall towards the center of the earth. This extremely high probability, allows for a greater degree of faith. If in a casino, and they flipped coins, chances are you won't bet on the coin landing on its edge, simply because the probability of that happening is really low.
Thus in the same way, what science does is measure probability. It measures how probable it is that the sun will rise tomorrow, and because this probability is so very high, we have greater faith in it.
It doesn't mean that science is right, or that we truly evolved from apes, it just means the probability is higher that we evolved from apes as opposed to being made from mud and clay, and thus faith is built upon, and hence we are not certain that science is always correct, just more certain that science is more probably correct as opposed to myths and legends.

The probability that apples fall, is after all quite a lot higher then me being able to come back from the dead, and hence i have quite alot more faith in the former as opposed to the later. Faith isn't spoken in absolute terms, it is more a graduation of sorts, from things we have little faith in, to things we have absolute faith in. Many have great faith in science, precisely because it is the most probable path to take in rationality.

On miracles and religion

Miracles, is something hard to define, but generally it is defined as something happening given a very low probability of its happening as opposed to another happening. Thus a coin landing on its edge, or me guessing the winners of every single match in the world cup, are all considered miracles in themselves.
This however, is not my view. In this aspect i quite agree with Sam.

Miracles happen all around us. The birds that sing, the sky that's blue, the sun rising, they are all miracles. But to me, it is not so miraculous that the birds sing or that the sky is blue. After all, many claim that everyone can listen to the birds sing, or watch the sky. What is truly miraculous to me is that we are there to percieve it. We are there to enjoy the thrill of the bird's song, and feel of the wind's breath. That we exist, that we have such fine perceptions, that we are able to feel the sense of peace and happiness, is certainly a miracle. That I am currently able to type my views, that i am able to think with clarity and precision, with certainty and decision, is something that is miraculous.

Many people don't believe in miracles. They disbelieve that Moses parted the Red Sea, or that Jesus rose from the dead. Personally i don't believe in both. But what i have realised is that the death of Jesus, miraculous as it is, cannot compare to the miracle that the world exists, and the even greater miracle that i exists to enjoy what it has to offer. We are after all, a tiny fraction of all the life forms in the universe, much less all matter. The probability of having matter in the form of a life form that possesses that much intelligent thought, is next to nothing given the vast emptiness of space. That to me, is a miracle, and i give thanks for it.

As forementioned, I believe in God. I thank him for the little miracles that happen, all the little things. I thank him for the birds in the sky and the sun that shines, the air i breathe, and food i eat, the water i drink, the friends i have, the joys i feel. These, are all miracles after all. Miracles i have faith in.

Having faith in a religion however, is often hard. It is easier, to have faith in a part of the religion. It is easier to have faith in some miracles as opposed to others. It is easier to believe in a God, then it is to believe in that particular God. We do need faith in everything we do, but that does not mean we should have faith in everything. The argument Sam posted is simply countered. If science, with all its high probability and accuracy, is still subject to the issue of faith, what makes it that we should have faith in the Judio-Christian God as opposed to the muslim God. What makes it that we should have faith in Jesus, as opposed to Buddha, or Shiva. The words of Jesus, in objective terms, are after all only a probability. However, you'd be hard pressed to find a Christian who would say that having faith in God is exactly the same as having faith in Allah, or Buddha, or any of the many many religions in our world.

To claim that we all need faith certainly helps lower the pedastel on which science rests upons, and levels it with religion, but it does not level it with christianity. If another god, another religion, sets forth and claims the earth was created by the big bang and we evolved, then it would of equal weightage a divine being creating man, and we should have equal faith in both of them. Even if a divine being did create man, we should have equal faith that Allah, Shiva, God, did create him. The bible, after all, is as much a matter of faith as the Koran, the Vedas, or the Buddhist Scriptures are.

But yes i agree faith can only be known by experience.
And some food for thought perhaps, that faith, though needed, does not define who we are or what we do.

Collander-Thoughts

2008-07-28T20:35:00.002+08:00

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag eight people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. What are your reasons for having a blog?
To post my thoughts. Read the blog address lol

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Pray for tomorrow, and give thanks for today

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
Totally kick ass 200 table chinese banquet at Shangri La

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
Las Vegas. We all know why.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Extrovert

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loved

7. Do you trust easily?
Never did

8. What person, dead or alive, is your role model?
I admire Martin Luther King

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Well having stitch for 6 rounds while running 2.4 certainly comes under this category lol

10. When's the last time you had fun?
I have fun all the time :)

11. Is being tagged fun?
Yeah. Especially when your tagboards filled with religiously tinged comments :)

12. How do you see life?
Life is a lie

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
The people in my heart

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
(Kong Meng)
Well.. well.. I could write a 1000 page book on his qualities and merits, but it wouldn't suffice :)
Some things have no use for words lol

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Depends on how poor and how rich

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?
20. Ok kidding lol

17. What's better, to give or to receive?
Give

18. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Flip a coin like two faced harvey

19. What would you do if you (or your girlfriend) became pregnant unexpectedly?
Start saving alot alot of money. Or possibly go rob a bank. Babies aren't cheap lol

20. What are you waiting for right now?
A levels to end

Tagged: Well anyone who hasn't done this :)

Collander-Thoughts

2008-07-22T20:30:00.002+08:00

On religion (mostly christianity actually)
Was reading Sam's post lol
Disclaimer: stuff posted may not be true
Please do not sue me if i misquote/misinterpret/misrepresent or in any way distort, contradict, or trivialise any subject/idea/issue.
All readers reads the following with the knowledge that it does not in any way represent any religion/person/organisation, nor does it claim to have a full, accurate or orthodox view of any issues presented, and that all of the following is my own personal view and I will not be held accountable for it. XD

On the issue of death:

Well most religions postulate some form of life after death
In Taoism and Hinduism it is reincarnation
In Islam and Christianity it is paradise or hell
In Buddhism it's well, guess what, Buddhahood

But the main point here is that no one knows what happens after death
By no one i mean no human being. Does not include God and other various prophets.
Which is why, simply put, you cannot argue that death is empty
You cannot argue that death is empty and has nothing for you and you play no part
There is no proof that you have a conciousness after death
In fact, most proves point to the contrary, suggesting that one has no feelings or emotions or thoughts whatsoever after death.
While this may seem to make death a whole lot better, the flip side is true too.
There can be no fate worse then death simply because no one knows just how bad death is
There is no if they are better off dead then suffering because no one knows how much you suffer after death
The Chinese after all, postulate the existence of an 18 level hell, while Christianity postulates a hell where people suffer.
If, as the Bible (see Sam's blog) postulates that life is better then death, then it would destroy the notion of paradise, and make the lives of angels, (who do not live according to myth and legend) seem really sad and pointless.
To have a coherent picture of what happens after death is difficult, as most people wish to claim that doing good in one's life will ensure happiness after death, but on the other hand this happiness after death is a great temptation for us to "put people out of their misery", or claim they are better off dead.

On the existence of God

First off, most Christians assume the bible to be true.
This is in itself extremely questionable.
There is no doubt that SOME parts of the bible does reflect historical truth,
But to claim that the 10 plagues truly happened, that the red sea truly parted, that food fell from the sky and other associated miricles are truth is a claim hard to support. They cannot be claimed to be "smack in the face"miracles because THEY DID NOT HAPPEN IN OUR FACES, or anyone living know. The events that occured 2000 years ago are events that is hard to validate, and thus hard to consider as facts.
There is thus NO POINT in quoting the bible when asked for proof of God simply because the miracles in the bible are not PROVEN true. Who can testify, and provide proof that would be admissible in the law (incidently a system that is supposed to be the culmination of human civilisation, one that even God made use of in his commandments), that Jesus actually performed the miracles he performed.
One might say there are written accounts, but there are written accounts of elves and dragons and dwarfs, yet most people do not think these creatures exist. There are certainly no eye-witnesses left alive, and the miracles leave little architectural traces.
Now i am not saying that Jesus did not exist, or that he was not the Son of God, or that there isn't a God, all i am saying is that there is no way to PROVE that God exists, or that Jesus was his son, and many religions all claim their gods to be God. Islam for one, and so does Judaism.

That said, I personally believe in God, for i too have stood witness to the miracles that He can perform, and I too stand testament to the greatness of his powers. I believe in God, but i do not seek to prove it, or to convince others of this belief, or even to refute claims that He does not exist, because i know and i understand that there is a time and a place for everything, and that it is not for mortal men to dictate to other mortal men that God exists. Only God himself can convince the unbeliever of his existence.

On suffering

This is one of the main arguments from anti-religion groups, that people suffer and that God allows it. There are three counter-arguments against this viewpoint that i put forth.
The first is an article i recieved online. I found it really good. It says that suffering is a result of the lack of God in one's heart, rather then the absence of God. Just as cold is the lack of heat, and weakness is the lack of strength, it does not mean that heat and strength do not exist.
The second, ironically, comes from the bible, and it is the story of Job. Go read it, it's pretty enlightening. You don't have to take it as true, personally i doubt it is, but the moral is pretty much there.
The last reason is simply, that God is God. It is not in our right to question his actions, or what he does, just as we do not question the morality of gravity that has claimed the lives of so many. We are, after all mortal, and it is wrong for us, (assuming you believe in God) to believe in that we can judge what He does, that it is our place to ask why He does the stuff He does. We cannot ourselves know the meaning behind God's actions, or attempt to rationally contemplate his decisions. That in itself, an extravagent display of human pride and arrogance, considered the most deadly and the founding root of all sins.

Once again. Read the disclaimer.
And feel free to tag any comments or argue with me in school XD

2008-07-17T20:17:00.002+08:00

This post is inspired by Amos's lol

Top 10 pieces (to me) that you should listen to
I'm lazy so i'm not linking it
You can ask me for the pieces if you want to listen to them lol

1. Any one who doesn't know this doesn't know me XD
Czardas by Vittoria Monti
2. Salut d Armour by Elgar
3. Zigneuweisen by Sarasate
4. Dance of the Goblins by Antonio Bazzini
5. La Campanella by Lizst
6. Concerto for Violin by Mendelssohn
7. Introduction et Rondo Capriccioso by Saint Saens
8. Flight of the Bumble Bee by Rimsky Korsakov
9. Introduction et Tarentelle by Sarasate
10. Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin

10 pieces that are not very well known but pretty nice

1. Mozart 4th Concerto for Violin
2. Romance in F Minor by Beethovern
3. Sonate Arpeggione (original version is by anon)
4. Zapateado by Sarasate
5. Duelling Banjo's by David Gerratt
6. Caprice No. 9 by Paganini
7. Orientale by Cui
8. Youth Violin Concerto by Kabalevsky
9. Concerto in A minor for Violin by Vivaldi
10.Butterfly Lovers (not to be confused with Madame Butterfly) by Chen Gang

Collander-Thoughts

2008-06-28T16:34:00.002+08:00

Starlight, starbright, stars that every night's in sight.
Twinkling, blinking, gently winking,
Pure and wonderful,
Like you

Moontwine, moonshine, moon whom every night we find.
Glowing, guiding, softly smiling,
Sweet and innocent,
Like you

Windswirl, windtwirl, wind that every night unfurls.
Flowing, blowing, lightly cooling,
Soft and eternal,
Like you

Skyblue, skyflew, sky that every night stays true.
Soothing, calming, vastly loving,
Dear and beautiful,
Like you

Collander-Thoughts

2008-06-20T12:49:00.002+08:00

For KM the old hag thats now 18:

Friendship

Friendship
Isn't about having fun today
It isn't about laughing back then
It's about being there when you need me tomorrow

Friendship
Isn't about the time we had
Or the joy we live in
But knowledge of a better and even more fun filled future

Friendship
Isn't about today
Or yesterday
But tomorrow
A tomorrow that holds with it all certainty
That they'll be there when you need them
Just as you were there, when they needed you
For now, and forever

Collander-Thoughts

2008-06-17T10:42:00.000+08:00

Pes C9 L2 XD

Collander-thoughts

2008-06-03T14:27:00.003+08:00

How Bad Are You?
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 7
11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 10
21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 7
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
33) had a spring break in Florida
34) sniffed anything
35) wore black nail polish
36) wore arm bands
37) wore t-shirts with band names
38) listened to rap
39) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 6
40) dressed gothic
41) dressed prep
42) dressed punk
43) dressed grunge
44) stole something
45) been too drunk to remember anything
46) blacked out
47) fainted
48) had a crush on your neighbor
49) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 7
50) snuck into someone else's room
51) had a crush on someone of the same sex
52) been to a concert
53) dry humped someone
54) been called a slut
55) called someone a slut
56) installed speakers in your car
57) broke a mirror
58) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
59) brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush
TOTAL: 7
60) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
61) seen an R rated movie in theaters
62) cruised the mall
63) skipped school
64) had an eating disorder
65) had an injury
66) gone to court
67) walked out of a restaurant without paying
68) caught something on fire
69) lied about your age
TOTAL: 7
70) owned an apartment
71) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
72) cheated with someone
73) got in trouble with the police
74) talked to a stranger
75) hugged a stranger
76) kissed a stranger
77) rode in the car with a stranger
78) been sexually harassed
79) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 4
80) met face to face with someone you met online
81) stayed online for 12 hours straight
82) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
83) watched TV for 12 hours straight
84) been to a fair
85) been called a bad influence
86) cursed
87) prank called someone
88) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
89) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 9
90) cheated on homework
91) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
92) been pushed into a pool
93) played pool
94) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
95) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
96) had a crush on someone younger than you
97) wear eyeliner
98) skinny dipped
99) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 8
TOTAL SCORE: 72
10-20 = Goodie-goodie.
21-30 = A little rebellious.
31-40 = Almost rebellious.
41-50 = Rebel.
51-60 = Total bad girl/boy.
61-70 = Bitch/ass-hole.
71-80 = Can’t believe you made it this far.
81-90 = Fucking bad-ass.
91-100 = See you in hell!

Wow ok thats quite unexpected..

Collander-Thoughts

2008-05-30T18:20:00.002+08:00

Have you ever seen the cherry blossom bloom?
The sweet soft petals so gently pure
Glowing like the shining sun
Pretty for all to see
Have you ever seen the old oak tree?
The sturdy trunk that rises
Tall and majestic looking
Strength for all to lend
Have you ever felt the essense of life?
The drug so coolly addictive
Growing ever consuming
Living for all to die

Collander-Thoughts

2008-05-27T20:33:00.002+08:00

You envy those with hearts so strong
The iron wills and stone constituents
You admire those with patience long
Who never lose their cool stony composure

But you've never thought, have you
That the human hearts wasn't born of stone
You've never imagined, have you
The kind of terrible torture they endure
The monstrous suffering they withstand

You've never ever realised, have you
The price that must be paid

Collander-Thoughts

2008-05-27T20:23:00.002+08:00

I've had enough seriously
I'm not a begger, there to grovel
There to live at your whim and fancy
No more
I'll just drink it all in
The pain and sorrow and disappointment and anger
Just stuff it into my heart
And hide the bleeding wounds
Until one day, when you look upon my pure black eyes
You see nothing but a freakish monstrosity
The creature you've made

Collander-Thoughts

2008-05-24T10:34:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my last day in chamber
6 years of string ensemble
13 years of violin playing
It's been a long long time ain't it
But sometimes, i just wish
I could go back to the start
And live it through once more
But i guess, it has to end somewhere

I'll love chamber
Forever

Collander-Thoughts

2008-05-18T12:49:00.002+08:00

Have you ever seen the dawn of a new day
I have, I see it every single terrible way
The sun rising, the clouds parting
The mum that screams at me every single morning
The birds singing, trilling, the wind blowing
As i look upon another day of horror in the making
All the words so ethereal, all dying on my ears
The life i never had, all eaten by my fears
Yeah i've seen it, yet another bunch of tears
I have, and its all i can do to keep the hell at bay
The shouts and screams of yet another yesterday
Another reason, another way
To take my fucking life away

Collander-Thoughts

2008-05-08T20:21:00.002+08:00

The little things
Each fucking day each fucking night
And all the bullshit you ever said
17 years of screwed life
The tiny moves and puny gestures
Those little fucking daggers
That come flying straight at me
And piece by piece
Bit by fucking bit
Its getting ripped apart
Till all i can ever see
Is this fucking gaping hole
Where my heart used to be

Collander-Thoughts

2008-05-01T21:19:00.002+08:00

The time that ticks by
The clock unfurled
Weariness and pain
That comes with innocence lost
Aches that etch forever
Upon a face once young
A mind once pure

What gold can pay the price of lost youth?

Collander-Thoughts

2008-04-27T18:16:00.002+08:00

Some fear the dead
I pity the dying
Some fear having hope
I pity the hopeless
Some fear trusting others
I pity those who trust not others
Some fear being weak
I pity those who suffer within
Some fear love
I pity those without care in their hearts
Some fear pain
I fear those who never feel
Some fear losing friends
I pity those who act what they aren't
Some fear ambition
I pity those with no will
Some fear power
I pity the oppressed
Some fear passion
I pity those empty husks
Some fear the whispers of the heart
I pity the heartless
Some fear death
I pity those who never lived life to the fullest

For it is fear
That defines who you are
And shapes the things that shatter your pitiful soul

Collander-Thoughts

2008-04-18T21:37:00.001+08:00

What words can capture the fleeting death's swiftness
The rushing wings
None i know
What words can take the passion's loving kiss
The floating heart
None i know
What words can pen the graceful swan's smile
The innocence pure
None i know
What words can speak the eternal hell's pain
The sheer torment
That i know
It's called... it's called...

Life

Collander-Thoughts

2008-04-18T20:41:00.002+08:00

In life I lived not a walking ghost a haunting soul

I cried not a silent tear a stifled sob

I slept not a dreaded dream a dire rest

I bled not a hidden wound a crippling stab

I signed not an inner vent a buried heat

I wrote not an unspoken word a concealed line

I loved not an empty hush a gone heart

I died not an endless pain an eternity's torment

In life I lived not

Collander-Thoughts

2008-04-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

When your world turns and life spins
When your sun hides and the night fights
I'll be there
When your eyes lie and your fingers try
When your mouth's dry and your ears sigh
I'll be there
When your friends run and your love flees
When your heart breaks and your tears leave
I'll be there
When your hands tire and your spirit's sad
When your soul wears and your strenths sapped
I'll be there
When you lie, when you sigh
When you die, when you cry
I'll be there

But,
When i fall from places high
Who'll be there for me?

Collander-Thoughts

2008-04-08T19:55:00.002+08:00

In dreams, I dream not of roses but of guns,
not of lilies, but of knives
In lies, I lie not of wrongs but of strength,
not of crime, but of weaknesses
In life, I seek not of happiness but of peace,
not of wealth, but of rest
In sadness, I cry not of heartache but of regret,
not of pain, but of emptiness
In fights, I fight not of arrogance but of justice,
not of force, but of acceptance
In poems, I write not of me but of I,
not of laughs, but of sighs
In pain, I scream not of agony but of knowledge,
not of stabs, but of wounds
In death, I die not of illness but of desperation,
not of body, but of mind

Collander-Thoughts

2008-03-23T16:42:00.002+08:00

The sun that rises straight and high above the clear blue sky
The gem that shines so bright and strong that sparkles without fear
The rose that blooms so red and sweet whose petals gently lie
Your face that is so young and light for which i hold so dear
The gold that glows so tempting cool pulls harshly on the soul
The tree that grows so tall and strong turns older by the day
The blood that pulses full and fast runs wildly ever bold
Your love that is so true and pure just steals my heart away

Collander-Thoughts

2008-03-14T10:33:00.002+08:00

I walk upon the road of shattered dreams
Of lost faith and wrecked youth
Of insanity and destruction
Of tears and blood and pain
I walk upon the road of crushed hope
The pathway,

Of my life

Collander-Thoughts

2008-03-06T20:58:00.002+08:00

Its not the big losses that cripple you
Its the tiny ones
The ones that nibble and poke
That squiggle and worm
That chew little bits
And one day,
You turn around
And you find your shadow gone
And the face that looks back in the mirror

Simply ain't the same

Collander-Thoughts

2008-02-28T21:05:00.002+08:00

The ache that soaks my white bare bones
Comes within, not without
The wind that chills my sore limp flesh
Blows inside, not outside
The sigh that leaves my parched dry mouth
Leaves softly, without noise
The cold that fills my tired heart
Beats sadly, without sound

Collander-Thoughts

2008-02-26T21:59:00.002+08:00

For every breath you take, give thanks.
Give thanks that your lungs can feel the air
Taste the freshness of gasp and sighs
Smell the scent of mother earth
For every sight you see, give thanks.
Give thanks for the colours that flash before you
Gaze the wonders of red and blue and green
View the world, pure unblemished and whole
For every step you walk, give thanks.
Give thanks at the firm ground beneath your feet
Feel the cool reliability of stone and rock
Ever giving energy from depths and cores
For every friend you have, give thanks.
Give thanks for the care and love and hugs
Open to the warmth that grasps and soothes
Treasure the sweet pure smiles

Collander-Thoughts

2008-02-23T23:36:00.001+08:00

SNADY WDR D RGHSSY ADY. QCIKKY RFGTTY. RGEF. QMJYSFJYQ F VFQD F'L SPX DRPLYP, LIYQEIYP E ALLHEPDHX UYHEYTY EQ CLRHK DSTY UYYJ KEAAYOYJQ, RETR FR DLSIA OY JY TKA KLR REYJ QRTKAFKC REYPY. QMKAREKAQ, E WEQD E WAPAL'R FUQR CMMS, QMJARFJAQ, F WFQE F WSQ REA UAQR.

Collander-Thoughts

2008-02-15T00:22:00.002+08:00

2132010271023191082091024125131424112102524161112310101716199115

Good luck decoding :)

Collander-Thoughts

2008-01-27T15:36:00.000+08:00

WHEE WE MADE IT TO SEMI
YAYAYAYAY I"M SO HAPPY :)

Collander-Thoughts

2008-01-10T21:40:00.000+08:00

What daisies fresh and flowers bloom
What sunny shine and moonlight glow
What fairy feet and gold undull
Can be as happy as thy golden smile
What bright allure and cool spring lake
What showering sparks and flying wings
What rushing wind and galloping deer
Can be as warm as thy eternal cheer
What hummingbird and water drop
What floating leaves and petals sweet
What candle lights and dress's lace
Can be as fine as thy lofty grace
What bluish flame and metal carve
What intricate shapes and glassy plane
What diamond clear and rubied tear
Can be as treasured as pure Samantha

Collander-Thoughts

2008-01-06T15:59:00.000+08:00

What water
What wine
Can satisfy the starving souls
The float and floundering fools
That die depraved deprived
Eyes eternal ether
Blackened bland black
Shying the stark shivers stare
Chilling chains chopping
The seas and scenaries
That are not there
Yet are

Collander-Thoughts

2008-01-01T09:51:00.000+08:00

Its a NEW YEAR!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR
This year, i resolve to be chin
Isn't that a nice resolution :)

Collander-Thoughts

2007-12-22T16:02:00.000+08:00

What tears can be cried
By eyes gone fade
What blood can be bled
By hands without weight
What sound can be sounded
By mouths gone dry
What death can be wrought
By souls long dead

Collander-Thoughts

2007-12-22T12:30:00.000+08:00

I'm back from KL :)
Totally pigged out :)

Collander-Thoughts

2007-12-13T14:09:00.000+08:00

A mind that is broken
Is a heart that is dead
A heart that is dead
Is a mind that is broken.

Collander-Thoughts

2007-12-08T21:11:00.000+08:00

What sun that shines
Or moon that glows
Wave that washes
Wind that blows
What fire that warms
Or ice that chills
Flight that dances
Food that fills
Can match the beauty,
Of you

Collander-Thoughts

2007-12-02T13:28:00.000+08:00

Life is but a swirling wind
A mass of spinning colours
A dance of whirling senses
An illusionist's lie
Cracking unbroken
Tearing fused
Myraiding webs of spiralling lairs
A Labyrinth of mazes
To no end
And yet must die

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-23T17:03:00.000+08:00

Wind
The breath of the world
The cool of the earth
The rush, the motion
In balance, yet in chaos
Wind
That taints and sours
And blows the fires
From plain to plain
Feeding them
Wind
That carries the curse of ill
Spreading disease and sickness
Blackening mankind's pale
Feeble souls
Wind
Carrying news and grief
Blowing ships to wreck
Pushing rocks off cliffs
Stoning stony men
Wind
That chills the bone
Crushing breaths of ice
Wisp by wisp
Slicing soul's demise
Wind
So chilly
So cold
Exactly like
The rushing wings of speeding death

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-17T09:40:00.000+08:00

Her who suan her crush her no
Her who block her stop her no
Her who scold her break her no
Her who fire her fear her no
Her who raise her heart above her head
Her Sam

See sam i wrote a poem for you
Now be happy -_-

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-13T10:42:00.000+08:00

Life is but a drug so raw
Life is but an ache so sore
Life is but a fool's delude
Life is but a line to bore

Life is but a play so false
Life is but a dream so soft
Life is but a lie so tall
Life is but a riddle's solve

Life is but a nightmare
Except,
Except,

When i'm with you

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-12T20:19:00.000+08:00

If you had all the time in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the money in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the health in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the life in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the strength in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the sight in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the light in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the music in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the speed in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the help in the world,
What would you do?
If you had all the love in the world,
What would you do?
I?
I'd give it all to you!

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-11T16:19:00.000+08:00

The hollow that forms so deep and gashing
The emptiness that flows so black
The dark that glows so steep and forbidding
The hole that churns so slack

The cringing that stabs so harsh and binding
The void that turns so stony cool
The force that pushes so rough and biting
The yearning that pours so full

The yearning of me for you

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-10T15:56:00.000+08:00

The sunlight pours through open doors
The moonlight flows through purest souls
The skylight strikes through heaven's floors
The wavelight seeps through Poseidon's close

The deathlight points through gleaming sycthe
The sidelight glows through Gaia's bind
The purelight bursts through Zion's eyes
But your light shines through love divine

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

Water, that falls from the skies
Leaves, that falls from the trees
Joy, that falls from the sigh
Honey, that falls from the bees

Petals, that falls from the flowers
Hints, that falls from the clues
Freshness, that falls from the showers
Love, that falls from you

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-08T11:02:00.000+08:00

The rose that blooms unadorned and pure
The petals that fly all around secure
The grass that flows with spring wind's breath
The smell that spreads for eternity endures

The trees that grow so strong and tall
The leaves in autumn so gently fall
The birds that sing so shrilly gay
The love that shines forever more

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-04T21:23:00.000+08:00

List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for:
1) AN ORIGINAL Stradivarius VIOLIN
2) The ability to not have to sleep
3) Having all the good luck in the world
4) A day where i can do anything i like ( i mean anything)
5) A steinway grand piano

1. The person/people who tagged you is/are? a) Hui Yi

2. Your relationship with him/her is…
Fellow debator. Suan buddy. She who takes all the insults i throw :)

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her…
Fat fat fat fat and fugly
.
.
.
Ok i'm just kidding lol
Nice, understanding, patient, kind, BITCHY/FLUFFY debator :p

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you…
Err letting me insult her to the high heavens

5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you…
Fabulous

6. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she will…
BE DEAD COZ I WILL KILL HER

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be…
DYING BEFORE I REACH HER AND MURDER HER SLOWLY

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will…
Be the same coz she's not worth my attention :p

LOL get what i mean by insults?

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be…
Coz she sucks at maths

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is…
Get done with the bloody U 16s and collect debate fund :p

11. Your overall impression of him/her is…
Good friend

12. How you think people around you feel about you?
I'm absolutely brilliant and great and mighty. like duh :p

13. The character that you love of yourself are…
Not being stressed.

14. On the contrary, the character that you hate of yourself are…
Being an evil totalitarion tyrant :)

15. The most ideal person you want to be is…
Myself duh

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them…
Thx.

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you…
Anyone who i wish to know how they feel about me, i'd either have known, or i've had asked them already.
The rest are irrelevant :)

Ok i'm just lazy to do the rest of the bloody quiz k
Done

Collander-Thoughts

2007-11-01T20:22:00.000+08:00

The blood that spurts like bloom unfold
The body that floats like ice so cold
The single rose, that flows so fine
The rising mark, of God divine

The single drop so deadly spill
The terror's whisper set out to kill
The plague descends, from heaven's stair
The knife across, the chest so bare

The flying bullet so sleek and small
The billion leaves that strike at fall
The snowing slice, so slyly smooth
The secret knights, all sadly move

The swirling winds that blow so harsh
The sticky suck of tricky marsh
The final straw, the last inhaled
The ending silence, of mankind failed

Collander-Thoughts

2007-10-13T17:46:00.000+08:00

ok the answer to my riddle,
lame as it is,
is ME!
Don't ask why, just chew on it

Although i was highly impressed by Siti's answer,
Loss

Thus i shall write a poem about loss:

The winds that blow across the plains
Blow endlessly, hour after hour, time after time
The springs that bloom across the world
Bloom endlessly, year after year, time after time
The sun that rises across the sea
Rises endlessly, day after day, time after time
But the life that goes beyond the swirls
Goes but once, second without second, time without time

The moon that glows up in the sky
Glows endlessly, night after night, time after time
The seas that flow by on the beach
Flow endlessly, tide after tide, time after time
The birds that sing perched on the trees
Sing endlessly, song after song, time after time
But the youth that goes beyond the leech
Goes but once, second without second, time without time

The stars that shine throughout the eons
Shine endlessly, age after age, time after time
The land that sleeps withstanding men
Sleeps endlessly, era after era, time after time
The god that sits on heaven's throne
Sits endlessly, age after age, time after time
But the love that slides beyond the stern
Slides but once, fall without fall, time without time

Collander-Thoughts

2007-09-23T16:59:00.000+08:00

Despite today being 2 days from promos
Despite me slacking my ass off completely
Despite me barely starting the studying process
Despite me going to completel die coz i ain't studied
I am actually still taking precious time to blog
Be honoured hui yi
Be really really honoured

Anyway
I GOT A DISTINCTION FOR MY GRADE 6 PIANO
WOOHOOWOOHOOWOOHOO
*opens crates of champagne and starts getting drunk*

i'm really really happy
its so unexpected
my first ever piano exam
wheeee
happy happy happy
*starts randomly singing random songs*
ok i think i'm going crazy

Here's a riddle for anyone who chances upon my blog to guess:

What can make a frozen heart shiver,
What can make a dead soul die
What can make a crazy mind flicker,
What can make a broken man sigh

What can make a sun go cold,
What can make a brave man cry
What can make a spring grow old,
What can make emotions fly

Its a single word
Free drink to people who guess correctly :)
Answer after the promos :)

Collander-Thoughts

2007-09-12T18:11:00.000+08:00

Do you know why i can eat my homework?

Why?

Coz its a PIECE OF CAKE!
.
.
.
.
.

Collander-Thoughts

2007-09-06T16:07:00.000+08:00

I tried so hard
To get to now
I tried so far
To get to here
I tried so much
To get to this

And now

My arms lie limp
My legs gone down
My body crushed

And now

My brain flown out
My ears blown deaf
My spirit broken

And here i am
On the plains of shattered hope
On the peak of burning hell
On the heart of freezing cold
Here i stand
At the center of life
In the threshold of death
Here i mend
The gaping wounds
The searing tears
The scattered dust
Here i lie
A broken man

Waiting
For the angel's wings
For the rush of black
For the grasp of hands
Waiting
For the redemption
That can never come

And i know
Deep inside i've known
All these years
Out on the broken plains
Walking the paths of hell
I've known
There's no return
No going back
And in the end
I stand
On the brink
At the fence
And recall
And the tears that fall
That blood that drips
The sweat that spurts
All flow down me
As if to wash out
What i've done
And as I fall
Past the light
Flashing my life
Through the darkness
That welcomes me
With open arms
I still don't know
What I've Become

Collander-Thoughts

2007-08-26T21:17:00.000+08:00

Took this off mariam's blog as she asked me to do it

SEVEN QUALITIES I WANT IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER:
Must be a female
Must have surname Huang
Must have name with the letters W,E,I,T,N,G
Must be currently studying in TJC
Must be in chamber and plays the violin and organ
Must be nice and sweet
Must love me too :)
(ok abit obvious i know :p)
SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
Poverty
Getting dumped
Losing a limb
Going into coma for life
Not having FOOD WHEN I'M HUNGRY
Not being able to speak
Being deaf
SEVEN RANDOM SONGS:
What I've Done by Linkin Park
Canon by Pachebel
Czardas by Vittoria Monti
Carmen Fantasy by Pablo d Sarasate
Salut d' Amour by Edward Elgar
Butterfly Lovers by Chen Gang and Zhan Hao
Songs Impromptu by Chin Jincheng
SEVEN THINGS I LIKE MOST:
My violin
My piano
My phone
Fun lame motions for debates
GOOD FOOD
GOOD WINE
My computer
SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY BEDROOM:
Soft toys
Handphone
Clothes
Cards
Bed (duh)
Clock
Manicure set (ok i'm kidding... serious I AM KIDDING)
SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
I have played the violin more then i go to school
I eat alot (not kidding)
I like debating
I've watched more movies this year alone then in my entire lifetime
I know random stuff about the world
I play pool and bowling
I love chamber and debates
THINGS I PLAN TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
Get married
Love deeply, faithfully and fulfillingly
Compose a world famous song
Get REALL REALL RICH
Take over the world
Be able to play all of paganini's caprice
Live happily ever after
SEVEN THINGS I CAN DO:
Play the violin
Debate
Cook (i'm serious)
Play the piano
Slack and slack and slack more
Fail my NAPFA
Eat
SEVEN THINGS I SAY MOST:
You piece of shit
What the hell
Go and die
What? (beginning of phone calls)
You going for ____ tutorial/lecture?
Whatever
I love you
SEVEN CELEBRITY CRUSHES:
____ from TJC
____ from chamber
____ from __/07
Ok i think you get the idea
SEVEN PEOPLE I WANT TO DO THIS:
WeiTing
KongMeng
Amos
Wynne
Michelle
Berenice
Kerry

Collander-Thoughts

2007-08-10T13:36:00.000+08:00

When you have to die
Die peacefully
When you have to sigh
Sigh quietly
When you have to ask
Ask politely
When you have to run
Run youthfully
When you have to play
Play seriously
When you have to give
Give graciously
When you have to cry
Cry unabashedly
When you have to take
Take thankfully
When you have to live
Live preciously
When you have to lie
Lie tactfully
When you have to kill
Kill honourably
When you have to watch
Watch fearlessly
When you have to hear
Hear carefully
When you have to lose
Lose affably
When you have to feel
Feel deeply
When you have to laugh
Laugh sincerely
When you have to love
Love faithfully

Acceptance

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